We have had baby girl for 6 weeks now. She is growing like a weed and looking healthier everyday. A few weeks ago, she had her 2 month checkup. We were excited to see that she had gained 2 pounds and had grown 2 inches in the month that we have had her. The doctor said she looked great but she detected a heart murmur. We immediately made an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist.
Last week she had her cardiology appointment. They did an EKG and an ultra sound. The doctor found that she had a small to medium size hole in her heart, between the bottom two chambers. This is allowing blood to flow between the chambers of the heart.
So far, it hasn't caused any problems for her. She is eating and gaining weight as if she doesn't have the issue. There is a 50% chance it will close on it's own and there isn't concern that it will get any bigger. I will take her back in 6 months for a follow up ultra sound.
As far as we are concerned, we are loving on her as much as possible. The boys adore her which makes my heart happy. I wasn't sure how they would react to a new baby in the home.
Josh continues to pick her up every chance he gets....spoiling her rotten. They have fallen asleep on the couch together more times than I can count.
This whole process has been very strange for me. I'm a new mom in every shape and form but by name. I hug her, hold her, change her, feed her, I'm up all night with her and I tell her I love her 100 times a day.....yet, I'm still not Mom.
There was no baby shower, no presents on her arrival, no excitement. Just a frantic call from DSS saying they had an urgent placement. She was at the office and needed someone to come get her. Who could say no to a 5 week old baby girl? Instant baby.
People constantly ask me how I have been coping with all of this. How do I not totally fall in love with her? How can I let her go? Well, I do love her. Yes, I do but I am guarded on the inside. I love her but keep one small door in my heart Shut. Locked. Bolted. If I open that door, my heart will shatter into a million pieces when she is taken away.
I'm trying to live and love in the moment. For now, she is happy, healthy and much loved by this little family.
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